365:19

“Our surfaces are a road map to us. The things we collect, the art on the walls, the presents from our nearest and dearest. These are aspects of us that are distinguishable from the other us’ in the life. It’s the topographical depiction of our lives.”

365:18

“Movies transport you to another world where you live the lives of the characters. You enter a different realm, a different life. And when you feel a connection with a character or a message, you return to your life changed. You never come back the person you were when you first sat down.”

365:17

“In our house, we cook with all the ingredients from those recipe book that you always wonder, “who has that in their cupboards?”. We cook from imagination and our likes with an occasional recipe book on the stand. We kiss between the chopping and tossing and when we sit down to eat our meal, we realize that it does not matter what we made because we made it with love.”

Breaking point

Hey all, 

Okay – here’s my cards. I have reached boiling point and cried when confronted with the face of my old identity. My darkest secret surfaced through an unexpected moment and I had to finally face my demons and what’s held me in my own shadows for years. I spoke about my darkest conviction and I lost. 

I lost the truth of the situation in my over analysis. I finally looked myself in the mirror and voiced what I told would never see the light of day and I was not as defective as I have done for 17 years. I cried and cried when I looked inwards and realized I had persecuted myself for years for something I did not do. For something that I misinterpreted and misconstrued. I built my walls so high that I didn’t think I deserved the life I had. I always kept my distance for the fear of consequence. But yesterday, I walked straight up to those walls and touched them only to realize it was an illusion. It was paper. I walked through it only to look back and wonder why I spent so many of my years confided to a small space. I told Liv, my wonderful, beautiful, unphrased fiancée, my deepest secret only for her to shine a torch on the shadows and show me it’s just my imagination. My overactive imagination that has tricked me into thinking that I was a monster. Liv simply guided me home. She did not kick me, hurt me, beat me, turn away from me. She did not leave me. She gave me the key to my padlocks and chains and I broke free. She blew me away with her empathy and understanding. She gave me the only thing I needed but couldn’t give myself….reason. 

Today, I am different. I am processing my life. I am processing my ignorance. I am processing how I can make this better. I am trying to think about how I can make the last 17 years up to myself. All I can do is not leave today up to yesterday. I have to life my life. I need to stay and enjoy my life. No more punishment, no more excuses of why I do not deserve my life, no more self-hatred. The only thing I can do to say sorry is to move forward without the shadows. I need to stop carrying the fuel to the fire that has tarnished so many of my memories and achievements. I need to realize that I am not what I thought I was. I am just as average as the next but I can be the best that I can be if I stop being my own worst enemy. If I have learnt anything, it is that I make mistakes but I deserve happiness just as much as the next person. I am a good person and I am deserving of the life I have. 

I have broken free and it feels so good. 

Ivy xx

Enough Is Enough

365:16

“Every coffee is an opportunity. To meet someone, to make or break a connection, to take time for regathering, to process the rectitude of your judgements, to refocus. A coffee is never just a coffee. It’s a manifesto in a cup.”

365:15

“I like the winter and the subzero temperatures. I like weekends with illimitable rain. I like the minimal usage of cyberspace and mountain of bestsellers. I like the habitual duvet days and board games. I like the overworked coffee cups and sandwiched cushion on the sofa. Weekends were made for the us. My favourite us – the uninterrupted us.”

365:14

“The secret to gaining perspective is walking amongst the giants and realising just how small you are. Take a walk amidst the trees and you can learn how to outlast the most unmerciful winter and remorseless winds. Mastering this will harden your branches and deepen your roots until you become an unmovable object. As a result, you will prevail and exist as on your own. You will become the adored and the wise.”

Unseen