It’s easy for me to say that I am not the girl you are staring at, nor am I the girl that will grab your attention. This is not in a self-deprivation way but more in a self-awareness way. I consciously take myself away from the limelight. I put myself in the corner farthest away from foreign contact. I throw myself into my friends and their happiness so much that I withdraw from scanning a room for potential love canditates. I do this because I don’t want to just be seen for something as temporary as my looks. If someone is to see me, I want then to see me through all of the beautiful people in the world. I want to be seen for my soul, for the depths in which I feel things, for my Cheshire Cat smile that rarely strays from my lips.
You won’t see me on the beach in a bikini or on social media displaying my life for the world to validate. You’ll see me lost in the corridors of the book store, the sudden outburst of rain on a sunny day and the comforts of coffee houses. Look for me in the pages in the love stories I read and the bottomless cups of coffee. Look for me in the corner of a pub laughing with my friends blissfully unaware of anything outside of the boundaries of our existence. Look for me walking my dog in the area, singing to myself and dancing in the street. That is where you will find me.
I sometimes I think I am crazy, unique, rarer out could say. I don’t see the world in an ordinary way. I feel and see things so deeply that I do not exist in autopilot. I feel every desire to live, love and create a life that is beyond the horizons that even I can see. I care to push the boundaries of extraordinary and live against the stars. The most beautiful people I know do not consists of just physical traits, for I love too deeply to believe that superficially. I choose to escape the ordinary and better myself. I am not content with comfortable anymore. You won’t find me lying in a safety net. One of my favorite books (the perk of being a wallflower) describes the beauty of seeing more than what is offered at face value.
I can see it. This one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song on that drive with the people that you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.
I have only just come to the realisation that we all create our own worlds where we set the city limits. Before I created this world, I died a thousand times in the worlds of others. I lived be their standards and measurements of happiness without truly seeing me. Now in the comfort of my own time, I am continuously developing myself and my world. I owe everything I see and I shape my community to surround myself with my favorite people. Positive people that desire for me to have nothing less than happiness in its purity form. Their happiness is my happiness and this is love. But any form of happiness stars with you, not your relationship, your job or your friends. But with you. Find yourself in the rumble of your worst storm and develop everything again. Start again with yourself and the rest will come. Find yourself there. That’s where I find me and I continue to find me and all my quirky habits and traits that make me….. Well me.
Find me there and you will know me. You will see my good moods, bad moods, my ugly, my pretty, my handsome, whatever I am. That’s the person you will see if you see past the models and temporary beauty. You will see a big heart and a beautiful mind. That is the kind of person I am. If that’s the person you want, stick around. Grab a double espresso and stare into my eyes. Get lost there for a while and you’ll find me.